Wedded Bliss

Today as I opened up my MSN and went on my merry little way opening my windows and about to close the "news" window that MSN gives me I noticed a little blurb about Jon and Kate of "Jon and Kate Plus 8" getting a divorce. So I read it and dismissed it because I know not to believe everything I read, and plus I like to live in this little bubble where marriage is sacred and real and not just something to throw away. But I noticed another link about Tyra having a divorce party on her show. Then another about divorce parties, wherein people celebrate being giant failures. Then the topping on the cake, is the cake, quite literally. And to use another cliche, here's the nail in the coffin.
Now I'm not really shocked that there is an industry for this. It was pointed out to me a mere few days before Adam and I were married that 50% of marriages fail, so naturally there should be an burgeoning demand for such a lame excuse for a party. I'm shocked that the people who are having these parties are proud that they're divorced, not hiding in the corner, in shame. I could be really prude and think it's a little deranged that there are actual party planners for divorce parties, but... well I just outed myself as a prude....
Personally I don't think that divorce is something to be celebrated, I don't care how trendy it is. I think that marriage is something you work at, not run away from when it's tough. I'm not going to assume that Adam and I will never have issues or that there won't be tough times, but I think that we both have the cojones to fumble through the hard times, because we've both committed to each other, for ever. Period.

YAY Obama, Boo Prop 8!

Lets start this post on a happy note, shall we?
So first of all, I am so over the moon that Obama won. And how great that it was California that sent him over the top and totally crushed McCain?
Last night we were at a friend's and we all crowded around her TV to watch McCain concede and to watch Obama's speech. It was pretty amazing, and I may have gotten a little teary eyed. I am so happy that I can look forward to the next for years rather than dread what might happen next.
On Jan. 20 I predict that Obama and family will rent a really strong steam cleaner to get the Bush stink out of the White House!

And the not so happy note.
Prop 8 passed, and I am not happy. More than not happy. I am devastated. I would like to be naive and say that I don't understand how a blue state could let this happen. But I guess, blue or red, hate is hate and there is hate, and this proposition was peddlin' the hate.
We were in San Francisco a couple of weeks ago and I saw a Yes on Prop 8 sign in a church window, which upset me. It bothers me that people use religion to perpetuate hate, and really, wouldn't a true Christian be tolerant? I think, too, that fear played a part, but I don't understand it. The Yesers talk about preserving marriage and whatnot, and I think that gay marriage does it's part to preserve it. Marriage is about love and commitment, not about penises and vaginas and the "proper" distribution of them. So for the religious folk who claim that marriage is only for a man and a woman, what about hetero people on their 4th or 5th marriages? I think that those people have destroyed the sanctity of marriage more then a lesbian couple who love each other and have been committed to each other for a long time. Furthermore just because the gay guys in the apartment next to you are married doesn't negate your hetero marriage, only you can negate your own marriage. So why the fear? Why the hate?
Also to add insult to injury one of the provisions of prop 8 is that only a marriage between a man and a woman is "valid or recognized" in California. Therefore anyone who was married is no longer; how horrible is that?
A friend commented yesterday that if you were to read the proposition and replace "gay" with "black" (or Chinese, Indian, white, blue eyed, brown eyed....) that it would be a horribly bigoted proposition. And yet, it passed.

I am sad.

Oh this house.

When we first moved in here I was totally enchanted by the cuteness of this house. I love little old houses and the charm they have. The landlord did warn us that the floor was a little sloped, but I wasn't so concerned about it, I figured that it would just add to the charm. And now? 10 months later? I want to be really mean to the house. (I would say more, but what if something did happen, I would totally be blamed!)
When we first were here we noticed that the water never got hot. It would stay luke warm, which made for a horrible shower, so we brought this to the attention to our landlord since I need to have hot showers, it's the way I like them. So he came over dubious that we knew what hot was because he had just put in a new hot water heater, which was tankless and supposed to be so amazing. Doubting that we can feel temperature he checked it with a thermometer and sure enough it didn't break 100 degrees, which isn't that hot for a shower. So he made some adjustments and put a low flow nozzle on the shower so that the pressure wouldn't over load the water heater and cause it to go cold. He also bemoaned the fact that the other tenants didn't tell him because he payed so much for the heater and the plumbers to install it.
After he "fixed" the tank Adam and I noticed that it would get hot, scorching, skin boiling hot, undulated with pee warm. We were forever jumping out of the stream of water to quickly adjust the cold to ensure that we weren't scalded. This went on for a while because Adam and I are too polite to say anything and were thinking that we just needed to find the sweet spot where we had the perfect mix of hot and cold. Except we never found it, and we had guests who got burned. So I called the landlord and he was so mad at me for not telling him sooner while it was still under warranty. I told him we thought we just needed to find the right mix. Anyhow he came out, several times to tinker with the system and it never got any better. He did take the temperature again and in the span of less than a shower it would range from 170 degrees to less than 100 degrees, which makes for a really crappy shower. However try as he might, it never got better and we just kept complaining.
Recently the hot water just won't turn on, or it cuts out completely in the middle of a shower. Since we're learning that this can be a long process I was quick to email our landlord when we realized this was happening. He came out to fix it and he did manage to make the flow consistent, however there is only hot water about half of the time. And now here we are, waiting for a real plumber, the landlord threatening to take the whole system out and me asking him to wait, because I am sure it will just be more of a headache.
I curse this house and it's faulty hot water system. I curse it for sharing a lot with two grumpy ladies in the back that make our lives difficult with their stupid garbage routine and little games. And I curse it for the one inch gap around the doors which let in a variety of bugs, dust and chills. Mostly I curse it because it's lost all of it's charm and I truly hate this house. I cannot wait to move out and I wish so badly that it was March now.

Thanksgiving

Today is the American Thanksgiving, which means Adam gets an extra long weekend and we're going to a friend's for dinner and they're making a lot of distinctly American dishes. Fun!
Being the history/ anthropological geek I am I was thinking about the beginnings of Thanksgiving. We all know the story, the Pilgrims were fools and didn't plan and the local Indians helped them out, they had a great shared meal and they all loved each other. Until the next day when the Pilgrims took the land, by force and justified it by quoting bible verses. The trend continues the Indians and First Nations (depending on which country you're in to determine which term is more correct) are forced off of their lands into small, dismal reservations, forced to give up their languages and forced to practice their culture in secret. The budding governments justify this and more and more genocide happens, either with the killing of masses of non-Europeans or by forcing out their culture. And yet Thanksgiving is still celebrated. Some people hate Thanksgiving, citing some of the reasons I've stated.
I don't hate it. I hate where is came from, but now I see it more as a family holiday, like it's been colloquialized (to make up a word), like Christmas to the non-religious folk. It's a day for us to relax and reflect on our lives. I think it serves a purpose in today's busy lifestyle and I will continue to celebrate today.
But I won't recount the stupid Indian and Pilgrim story, damn puritans with their bible justified killing. sigh.

What weight words carry. *edited*

A couple of days ago a friend sent me a forwarded email joke which I found to be distasteful. (it poked fun at a minority group) So I send her an email saying that I didn't like it. Mostly I was shocked that she would send me something like that, but in retrospect it could be seen as funny, if you're not an overly sensitive twit like I am. She replied and said that she wouldn't send me any more emails like that.
So it made me think of what words can really do and how much weight they actually carry. I think back to the whole kerfuffle with Don Imus earlier this year, and how I felt that it was justified that he lose his job for making a distasteful remark. However after the dust had settled I heard another point of view of a comedian who says that words are words, they don't have to hurt you, and to my shock I agreed with this comedian. Words are words, they're not little floaty things wielding a bat to physically hit you, they don't have to hurt you.
However the uber PC side of me argues that words can carry weight and can foster larger issues, such as hate and bigotry. I remember when I was 10 my mom and I were walking into a store behind a husband and wife of another culture and my mom made a horribly racist comment accompanied by a rude gesture, and as a ten year old I didn't think much of it. I had no idea that what she had done was morally wrong; I remember feeling that I shouldn't laugh, that they are who they are, but I didn't pursue the issue, I was 10. Now when I think back I see that those words were weighted, heavily, I was an impressionable child and at that point I could have learned hate. (now this isn't to say my mother is hate filled, she believes what she does and I'm not going to discuss it now) I also think of my father growing up and some of the racial slurs he would unleash in my and my brother's presence. For some reason none of that bigotry stuck with me, but it did to my brother, and he still uses some of those slurs in his everyday language. He learned it as a child, and now he uses those words without thought, not always in malice but they do have negative connotations. Should they be viewed as hurtful? It's not like my dad taught him to seek out people of a different ethnicity and beat them with a tire iron.
That is my conundrum, if words and slurs are part of your vernacular are they hurtful? Are we as a culture sometimes overly sensitive to words, are we giving too much power to them? Shouldn't we give them no thought like we were taught to do with the school yard bully? To expand on the question, at what point do we stop and let a word be a word? For example the politically correct term is little person, it used to be dwarf, and before that midget, now short stature is becoming more acceptable. When does it end, or really how do we keep up with what is acceptable? What about retarded? That used to be a perfectly acceptable term and now it's not, we must use developmentally challenged.
Now I do understand that context can carry a message, making the words weightier, but still they are not wielding a bat; sticks and stones, right? So here I am, torn, I have always believed that we should always honour what someone or some culture prefers, however sometimes it's a full time job to keep up with what's acceptable and what's not. Personally I will always choose to keep up with what is correct and what isn't, and if I make a mistake I will apologize, and I'll teach my children the same. But to what extent? Where's the line in the sand? Am I short, or am I vertically challenged? Should the line only go as far as to protect ethnicities and cultures? What if I'm truly offended by being called short?
What do you think?


Edited, check this out. It is an example of being overly PC in my books.

Holy Fraud Baman!

During the last couple of days I worked at the bank before committing to being a kept woman I had this young man come in telling me that his aunt died and he was going to get a large inheritance. This young man (lets call him Larry) wanted to talk to me particularly because the other lender there was a cow and wouldn't give him the time of day before when he was having issues with his $500 limit credit card, whereas I was able to fix his problem and he trusted me. So he comes to me telling me that he was about to inherit six million dollars. My first reaction was shock, and then the sales person in me sprung into action. We needed to make sure Larry invested his money wisely, and with us. I didn't question the amount initially because it was in Alberta and large fortunes are amassed in the oil industry. So as I am telling him some options for him to invest his money, and the importance of investing, he tells me that he will need ten thousand dollars to pay the lawyer to execute the will. At this time I become hesitant. I asked him why he has to pay the lawyer up front, and shouldn't the lawyer take any fees from his inheritance? Larry tells me that the only way that he will get the money is if the lawyer gets the money upfront. Sadly I realize that this whole situation is really suspicious and I ask to see some documents, because there would be no way to lend him anything unless I am sure without a doubt that this is legit. So Larry produced a letter explaining that his aunt died a couple of years ago and the lawyer was happy to have finally located a living relative. Also enclosed was a copy of the bank draft in the amount of six million American dollars, made out to Larry, with instructions to send the lawyer the 10K to finish the proceedings. At this time I don't want to upset Larry and his lunch time is nearing to an end so I asked to keep the documents. I wanted to fax them to the fraud department and show them to my manager, so she could back me in declining him.
Larry leaves my office and I fax the documents to the fraud department and send them an email about what is happening. I leave the documents on my manager's desk with a letter what they were and I go to lunch. When I come back she tells me that she's okayed me to allow his account to be overdrawn 10K. I was shocked because this boy would not be able to pay that back, and I am most certain that it is fraud. I tell her that I think it's fraud and tell her that I've already emailed the fraud department and am awaiting their response. Luckily when I checked my email they tell me that it is fraud and to not release any money to Larry. I tell my manager this who tells me to shred the letter she'd written me instructing me to release the 10K to him. (I will give her credit, she was busy and I don't think she read my whole note to her, just saw that he needed 10K and there was a potential for 6 million coming into the branch, which would be a huge coup for her.)
Later that afternoon Larry comes in to see what the manager said. I take the time to ask him some questions. I find out that he received an email and responded to it. The fraudster instructed him what to say and what he needed to do to get the money. Larry was also told that the fraudster worked at a foreign bank and stumbled across this money and just wanted to help someone out. I tried to explain to Larry that he would send the 10K and either never get the bank draft, or get it and deposit it, with a hold, and then find out that is wasn't a real draft and now he would owe the bank 10K. Larry was upset, and just did not believe me that this lawyer guy was lying to him. I tried logic, I asked him why this guy would just give him 6 million, but Larry still didn't see it my way. Finally I just told him straight out that I was not going to lend him the money, and that I was going to keep the documents he gave me.
I think that he understood and knew that it was too good to be true, but he was mad. At this point I directed him out of my office and said my goodbyes to him in the middle of the branch. He was balling his fists, speaking to me through gritted teeth, and acting quite aggressive towards me. The branch manager noticed this and also came to wish him a Merry Christmas and say good bye. Once he left she asked me what happened and why he was so upset. I told her that I declined him and he didn't take it so well, and no amount of explaining would settle into him that I was protecting him.
Anyhow it was only a couple of days later that I was finally done at the bank and I wouldn't have to deal with fraud like this again.
Except I get these emails all of the time. Enticing me to take drafts, or cheques for a company from overseas and deposit them into my account and send them a draft in American funds and I will get to keep a portion for my troubles. I am really shocked at how many of these emails I have received in the past year. I have saved them all to post here, because they are so obvious to me. However I am not their typical target, guys like Larry are. Young, not educated and anxious to make a quick buck. The really sad part was that Larry was a good guy, a truly good guy. He had all of these plans to buy his family a house, and go to school. I really hated to dash his hopes, but I hated more that there is scum out there that will prey on people.
So all in all. Fraud sucks, but there's a lot of it. Be careful!

HEY Mr. Telemarketer!

There is no reason for you to be rude to me when I tell you "no". NO REASON! In fact it is in your best interest to shut the eff up and say your goodbyes and move on to your next customer, because the time you waste being rude to me is taking money out of your pocket. Why? Because time is money my pissy friend and if you're on a commission you need to move on. Also because of the Rudey McRudersons I will never even consider AIG insurance or the San Jose Mercury News. EVER! And now I've told the world to avoid you too.
Finally I feel I can lecture you with authority because I have been a telemarketer and I was good at it. Why? Because I was efficient. I would give my customers a chance to decline so I wasn't wasting my time, and it allowed me to breathe. And I was never rude. Never.
Now Mr. Telemarketer I understand your job licks ass and you hate it, but you chose to be there, and I chose to say no, politely. I didn't get all huffy and rude with you, I expect reciprocation.
Have a nice day.

This post coming to you as fuzzy black lines.

My glasses are in the other room, and well it's hot and I'm pregnant. Okay, also lazy. Moving on.
First when did I become so blind that I need glasses to see the computer screen well? Damn aging process! Oh well at least it's just a little fuzzy vision, no other things that I am scared of. (arthritis, diabetes all the stuff my grandpa had)

Anyhow today my dear sweet husband bought me two pies, a lemon one and a chocolate one. They were good, I had some of both. My argument was that the baby NEEDED them. Adam couldn't argue. Hmm pies. I have noticed that I have the appetite of a sparrow. It's rather odd and a little disturbing. I can eat half a sandwich and a cup of milk. I guess this is a good habit for me to continue. Perhaps it will after pregnancy also. I'm also a little disturbed at my total and complete distaste for meat. I can eat a little in stuff, like a sandwich, or a ham and pineapple pizza, but the thought of a breast of chicken on a plate makes me a little pukey. So I've ordered some rice protein powder since all I have is soy, and I had to swear off soy while I was getting pregnant. And now I learn that it can interfere with hormones during pregnancy also. Okay. No soy for me, well except soy sauce and miso, 'cause I would not be able to live without miso. (also they are fermented so they aren't as harmful apparently)

So I have been working on this theory that we humans are like dogs, and pure breeding has made us a little volatile. (Pure breeding as in not mixing ethnicities.) I've come up with this when I was diagnosed as being a carrier of Cystic Fibrosis. Whoo hoo! As it turns out I have the worst form of the mutation in my genes, which is the most common mutation. It will never harm me as I am only a carrier, however if Adam is a carrier there is a 25% chance that the baby would have the disease, and a 50% chance that the baby would be a carrier. So Adam was tested and after a week of waiting we were informed that he is not a carrier. So now the baby has a 25% chance of being a carrier and a 1 in 241 chance that the baby will have the disease (from a misdiagnosis on Adam not being a carrier). So I am happy with these odds and moved on. (For the record I didn't really freak out, the genetics councillor that I was talking to was excellent and spelled everything out to me really clearly.)
Anyhow my theory. There was an issue at all because Adam and I are both Caucasian, if either him or I weren't it wouldn't be an issue since this disease is mostly a Caucasian thing. Hence the inbreeding of us white folk*, like Dalmatians. Remember when the movie 101 Dalmatians came out and there was a surge of Dalmatians as a result? Do you also remember all of the reports of viscous Dalmatians as a result of being over bred? It reminds me of this situation, like I said if Adam or I weren't so blindingly white my being positive would have been a non issue.
Oh and lets not forget that the inbreeding isn't only a Caucasian issue, there was a whole list of potential genetic issues that could arise if both parents were of the same ethnicity. Unfortunately I don't have this list in front of me, but it was interesting how every ethnicity had it's own problem. But from my understanding if a Asian woman and an Eastern European man were to have a baby they would have less chance of passing on any genetic disorders because it would be less common for them to both be a carrier of the same issue. Am I making sense? So with the popularity of chihuahuas there are more problems with hips and other issues, but if you were to have a mutt they are generally healthier since it's less likely that a problem would be shared by both parents.
So there you have it, humans as dogs.
Also don't you just think that a blended ethnicity baby is so pretty? Some of the most pretty people in the world are "mixed". It's not to say that my baby won't be pretty, I'm sure s/he will be, but this baby will also have a host of other issues, like looking like the sibling of Casper the ghost. (This baby is going to have really fair skin, like transparent fair.)


*I hate being called white. I'm not white, my skin is not white. It's not appropriate to call people by colours so why is it okay to call me white? I get irritated when I have to check a box on some form and it lists the options, white, African American, Asian, Indian etc etc. No one else is a colour! Okay rant over.

Patience

Dear The Impatient Jackass behind me at a light.

Sir, I understand that the light turned green a millisecond ago, and I apologize that I haven't peeled out of the intersection fast enough for you. However I must implore you not to honk your horn at me exactly half a second after the light changes. (Yes it was half a second, and I'm being generous.) I will explain why I don't jump on my accelerator when the light changes. First there are still cars in the intersection, I don't want to hit them, call me crazy, but I don't want to be in an accident. Second squealing out of an intersection is lame, I try not to do it. Third, it's surprisingly easy for me to squeal on out, you see I drive a hemi, and if I jump on the accelerator from a dead stop there will be squealing. Finally I care about my car, if I floor it out of every intersection I will need new tired ever 20,000 miles. (The last guy that owned the car owned it for 20, 000 miles and the back tires were bald, he was the original owner.) So Mr. Late-Model-Civic just wait. You will have noticed that once I get my tires rolling I quickly make my way down the street. (After all I do enjoy the hemi). In any case if you care to debate this further, meet me at the next light and I will demonstrate just how small your penis is, 'cause a Dodge Magnum with a hemi will always beat a 4 banger. Every. Time. Just like rock beats scissors.
So in order to save your masculinity, let the girl in the really hot car drive responsibly, and you, be patient.

Thank you,
The girl in the smokin' hot Magnum.

Decisions (edited)

I haven't made it a secret that Adam and I really want to have a baby. So along with our discussions on timing, names and nursery options we've also discussed other more hippy topics. Like co-sleeping, babywearing, breastfeeding and circumcision. For the record I am pro on the first three and vehemently oppose circumcision.
Did you know that when the doctor circumcises a baby, the baby is strapped down onto a board? Then when the doctor starts he has to rip the foreskin off of the baby's penis! The foreskin is attached to the baby like your fingernail is attached to your fingernail bed. It's not until the child is older does it start to detach.
Like reading up on what kind of a stroller I want, I've also researched circumcisions, and I'm glad I'm not a boy! I've read a lot of the arguments that parents give as to why they get them. My favourites are: It's cleaner. So I wonder if the parents have ever heard of soap, and how it's used. Furthermore the majority of the men in the world aren't circumcised and they're still clean. Another argument is that a circumcised male is more protected against AIDS. To which I reply-- condoms. (I've read both sides of this argument, so say it increases the odds and other say it doesn't)
Anyhow here's a website about circumcision and some of the techniques used. Look at the pictures (they're gory, be warned) and then if you're a woman be thankful you are, if you're going to have kids, vow never to do that to your baby boy, and if you're a man who has been circumcised, I'm truly sorry. Finally if you're an uncircumcised man, count yourself lucky!


Edited to add...
Jenny, I know that you did not want to be controversial, and I'm glad that you left a comment. It's nice to read an honest, educated comment. I understand that doctors are gentle and not tearing away at a baby. Ripping was a bad verb for me to use. This whole rant was the product of people just not understanding what really happens when they agree to a circumcision, or agreeing to one without even thinking of the other option.
I was going to add a little anecdote and didn't, but here it is.
When I was in England I worked for a Jewish family and the mother explained to me in hushed tones that her son was a little different "down there". She went on to explain that she didn't want me to be shocked and that although she didn't really practice her religion she wanted to make sure her son went to the private Jewish schools in the area. She seemed, to me, a little ashamed that she had to have her son circumcised. I explained to her that it's quite common in Canada and assured her that I had seen a circumcised penis; she was relieved, telling me that it wasn't as common in the UK. I didn't think much of it then, but I had just moved to England and was still reeling that I was actually there. Later I thought about it and learning that it's not widely done in England made the UK seem so much more prosh to me. Fast forward to now, when I really need to consider it, and reading what I have, I've developed strong opinions. I also wanted to have a link to that website 'cause I am sure that there will be people who would question me on my decision.

Now, is it okay or is it not okay to pierce a baby girl's ears before she can decide for herself?

Poor Girl.

So we all know that Britney shaved her head. The whole world is in a uproar about it, it's even pushing all of the Anna Nicole stuff to the second five minutes of some "news" shows. Anyhow check this out. It's sick! I think the world should just let this poor girl alone! I won't make fun of her. Poor girl, just needs to live her life and not be so scrutinized.
Stupid media!

Also the auction I linked too, will let someone the the hair immediately for $100,000, and they'll donate 20% to a charity. But they'll keep the other %80 for themselves? Stupid!

Negative Nancy

The other day when we went into the RE's office I bet Adam that the receptionist would be her normal cheerful self. By cheerful I mean negative and complainy. Normally she whines about her headache, how the computers never work, how the nurses and doctors just don't appreciate her. (she whines that to other staff people that come in to talk to her) This time Adam commented that she would whine about the rain. And ya know? She did. While we were sitting waiting for them to perform torture on me, I listened to her complain to everyone. I had nothing to do, I couldn't read another pregnancy magazine, they are a little torturous for me right now.... Anyhow did she complain, and when I thought she was all out, she did some more. To the patients, about her little minute things; "oh my head hurts", "the rain is so dreary", "Christmas is so expensive", blah blah blah. I wanted to yell at her: "Lady your head hurts and the rain sucks, but I can't have a baby, and nor can anyone else in this room! I am sure that anyone here would like to exchange with you!" But no one says anything to her, they just coddle her and she accepts their sympathy. It's sick, sick, sick.
(Almost as sick as baby magazines in an infertility clinic.)
Anyhow it made me think, when I was working at the bank there was always some lady in the branch who was like this. A regular Negative Nancy. She was always at least mid 50s, had hair straight from the 80s, all curly and short, leaving rows of curls on the top of her head. She always would dress in suits which were ill fitted and at least 20 years old. She would often complain that people weren't as professional as she, and would point out specific examples. She would detail how she could run the branch better than the manager. In the branches I was in, she was generally a front line person, (ie teller) and would detail how the lenders were lazy and didn't appreciate the CSRs, then in the next breath complain how she has to work 15 minutes extra everyday. She never realized that the lenders were in before her, and left after her, or that although we would get to sit at a desk, we didn't get as many breaks as she did, and often had a steady stream of customers. And when our customers left, we weren't done with them, we generally had several more hours of work.
So the point I am trying to make, well there isn't one, just that the Negative Nancy is universal.