Partying post baby.

We had a James Bond spy party today, and it was interesting. First because a lot of my friends have babies we need to have it earlier in the day so that the babies aren't in prime breaking time. Secondly because of the nature of Silicon Valley (or maybe just us) there was an assortment of friend groups which added some flavour to the party. To make of the groups of friends comfortable I tried to have a more than one couple from each group, so that there were mini groups and make it not awkward for anyone. However I fear I may have failed a little. All in all the spy game was fun, although short. When we've played it in the past it lasted longer, but this was done in a matter of minutes! It's like Christmas dinner, so much planning and preparation for a short little blurp and done.
So I think I will write this party off as a social experiment- what happens when several social circles collide, and they have to kill one another.
Interesting....

Tooth Watch

Day 270...
no teeth. However there have been a lot of drool, buckets and buckets, for about 4 months now.
We're waiting....

Babywearing!

I've been wearing Trixie a lot here and it's strange the looks of total amazement I get. A lot of people are commenting about how they are surprised to see that I have a baby "in there", I guess they just think I'm wearing a back pack. I thought that I would see a lot more people wearing babies, but I've seen no one and we've been out and about both days that we have been here.
Hopefully soon.... I don't think I have the energy to convert a whole country!

I have a baby, her name is Trixie!

Come on, you have to give me a little credit, I've gone 7 days without a Trixie themed post!
So today while Trixie was on the potty I was working away on the computer and I heard this "scritch scritch" and I look down to see that she's pulling herself along with her heels, on the potty, while she's pooping. Funny, funny, funny. I wish I would have had the video camera ready to go, next time, I hope!
(we were in the office on the hardwood, we use her potty in every room, where ever we are in case the need strikes quickly.)

I only have time for bullets.

I have a bunch of posts floating around my head, but I can rarely find the time to sit and compose a post so I don't, and then most of it leaves my head.
Here's what's left.

1. My friend ran a marathon yesterday. She rocks. It was really interesting to watch the marathon, oddly. The vibe was really supportive and upbeat. There were a lot of people cheering the runners on, many of whom were excited themselves, even when we saw them the first time at mile 16. A lot of the runners were running for Team In Training, and I think that they come with a large cheering section of their own. But still it was amazing the amount of support that was there. I may have been moved to tears a couple of times. (shh don't tell anyone that I'm a total wuss)
Watching the marathon made me feel bad about the time when I tried to train for one and quit. (my shin splints, ohhhhh the PAIN) anyhow I wondered why some people run and put themselves through the pain. Running isn't good for the body really, it's horribly jarring and mangles you, and yet there were 20000 runners yesterday. Perhaps they do it for bragging rights, perhaps just for self satisfaction, perhaps to raise money for charities like TNT. It's interesting, I think the last 2 reasons are totally admirable, the first isn't. Boo on braggars.

2. Trixie is always on my mind, I am always composing posts to talk about how amazing she is and how much I love her. I would write one everyday, but then I wouldn't have much to write in her monthly newsletter. But golly I love that baby, I knew I would, but I didn't know that it would be this amazing. A few weeks ago I was trying to figure out the amount of time I've spent with her since she was born. I would guess between 95-97% of her life she's been within arms reach of me. How amazing is that? My percent is so high because I wear her all of the time, I take her everywhere with me, I sleep next to her and I really love being with her. We're working on potty training with her, and I'll tell you more later in her newsletter, but she rocks! She had a watery tummy a couple of days ago, and even then she had only 2 poo misses, she made it to her potty every time. Yay for less poopy diaper laundry!

3. Politics. Oh this is a big one. I really hate that I can't vote. It's not fair, my husband pays taxes here, we own property here and I have an American baby, I should be able to vote! I actually care to vote as well! Anyhow I'm sure you would have figured that I would vote for Obama, (duh) but what's really frosting me right now is Proposition 8. It kills me to see ads on TV prompting people to vote yes on prop 8. Seriously, vote yes? As in deny a human basic rights? And this is supposed to be the best country on earth?
I'm so glad I'm Canadian.

So to summarize, Regan is a running goddess, Trixie is adorable and all people deserve basic civil rights, because what will be next? Taking the vote from women? Ugh!

I did not go and get dead,

Hello.
I think I have a totally excusable reason for my lack of posting, but it's not that! We've finally moved and we have none of those complicated internet thingys. We get it tomorrow, there will be rejoicing!
So until then I am in a deli, hijacking Adam's super-dee-duper laptop to read my emails and such. (I love my laptop, but it's harder to type on than this one)

I have some blog entries that I need to get up and running, they've all been written and edited, in my head. Stay tuned! They will mostly involve Trixie. Does that make me a mommy blogger? Is that a good or bad thing? Should I care, should I be labelled? I refuse to be labelled! (heh, I was watching some "My So Called Life" yesterday. )

While I have time a wee Trixie related snippet.
Today Adam and I are taking our sweet baby to get her passport so we can take her home and get her a REAL passport, (suck it jparks!, hee hee.) and as we were leaving home at an early hour to come here to first check our email we were congratulating ourselves for being organized and leaving the house in good time. However when we got to the deli we realized that we forgotten the documents for the passport. Apparently we aren't as organized as we thought. I will take credit for the properly packed diaper bag though, thank you very much. (If we've left the house 10 times with Trixie, the bag has been properly packed 4 times. Parenthood, it's great.)

Well Adam should be here to pick me up shortly, after having gone home to get the stuff for the passport.

more later.

37 Weeks!

Which means I'm full term! YAY! I have a fully formed baby in me. Kinda trippy.
I was doing baby laundry yesterday and it's weird to look at everything and think that my baby will get to wear it.
So along with the "YAY there's a baby!" comes weird feelings of seperation anxiety. Not so much her seperation from me, because while I like having her there, I can't wait to see her, it's more after the fact. I don't know how I am going to react to people coming and visiting and taking her from me to hold. (sorry family, but it's how I feel, I suspect there will be a time when this will change, this is merely how I feel right now) Adam thinks I've gone off of my rocker, but that's nothing new. My anxiety over the "pass the baby game" is directly related to her protection. Germs people! Germs. It's cold and flu season, and RSV is scary! And she's used to me and Adam, how will she feel to be passed from person to person, and just as her little eyes focus she realizes that it's not her Mama or her Daddy!
Okay clearly I need to breathe now, and cross my fingers that she cooks a little longer and I can get over this.
Although I have been feeling this way for a while. I don't buy into the whole idea that babies don't care of know. Even when friends have babies and I've visited, I've never just assumed that I would get to hold the baby, I would wait to be invited. When Tessa was born my brother immediatly gave her to me and I was a little shocked, I don't know if I could have done that to my one day old child. But then again my brother and I are different people, and he's no more wrong than I am for feeling this way.
Anyhow I'm crazy we know, Adam will tell you so.
And YAY baby!

I was brainstorming

a great new way to name your children. When we thought the baby was a boy we had a horrible time coming up with a boy name.
So I thought of this great idea:
We should name our children after the most recent winner of American Idol! If the winner is the wrong gender then choose the next closest winner based on gender for the name. However with the winner this year having a uni-sex name, it would work well.

So good idea?


Yeah I didn't think so either.

31 weeks

Holy moly I'm that pregnant!
I was in Canada for my 30th week and it was hard. I felt healthy, but I just wanted to be home with Adam. I had a great time with Tessa and my family, but I wanted to be home. Sigh. The snow was dreadful. Every time I had to wipe snow off of the car I cursed out loud to every snow flake, and there were a lot of them. I know I've said I miss snow, so I should qualify it, I miss it under my skis while I am bundled in all of my gear and the only part of me that gets touched by snow are my cheeks. Snow in any other situation is horrid.

So on to 31 weeks. The baby is about 4 naval oranges according to baby centre, it's interesting that she's moved on from being one fruit to 4.

When I remember to do my kick counts I can generally count 10 kicks in about 5 minutes. I do confess that I rarely do them because she's made it more than obvious to me that she's there and she's having a grand ol' time.

While I was in the bath the other day I was just zoning out watching the water and I noticed that it was moving, but I wasn't deep enough for it to be my breath moving it, and I realized the baby had the hiccups and she was making the little currents. So cool. Then the next day it happened again, except it was her kicking, so the ripples were much more erratic and larger. I think seeing that may go down as the most fascinating ever, more than the ultrasounds.

When my mom pointed out to Tessa that I had a baby in my tummy, Tessa immediately pulled up my shirt demanding the baby come out now. It was cute, and I had to explain to her that she can see the baby when there are flowers outside. I don't think she understood, but she stopped tugging on my shirt demanding to see the baby.

Seeing as I am in my 31st week I have 6 weeks left until I am in my window where I can safely have a home birth. (the window is 37-42 weeks) I don't profess to know if I will be closer to the 37th or the 42nd, but the anticipation will reach a whole new pitch I'm sure!

The baby still seems to react to sugar, and still hates any pressure on her. Today she was kicking the seat belt when I was driving, and I always make sure it's well under my belly, but apparently Little Miss thought it wasn't good enough.

I am getting killer heart burn and apples can barely touch it any more. I need to take lots of activated charcoal and other remedies, but if I have too many pills in me they try to pop out since the opening to my stomach doesn't close right. (yay for relaxin!) Sleep is getting harder and harder. Adam and I broke down today and bought be some really fluffy synthetic pillows because with my body being bigger my little feather pillow wasn't holding me up properly, resulting in a sore neck and numb arms. We also bought a straight body pillow 'cause my curvy one tangles me up at night. I still want to sleep on my stomach, and I kinda can, but Little Miss doesn't so much like it. I'll move if she puts up a fuss or if there's any pain. I've realized I can lay on my back for extended periods of time, which is supposed to be a huge pregnancy no-no, but I figure if there is no pain, I'm okay. That being said Little Miss doens't always like it, and I have noticed it can bring on some Braxton contractions (so I move).

My late pregnancy morning sickness seems to have abated, which is nice, but I still have no appetite to speak of. I often find that I have passed hungry and have lapsed into the shakeies because I don't eat enough, which is weird because I don't feel hungry. Normally I am on top of when I ate last and what I need now, but sometimes I get busy and without any cues from my body I don't realize how long it's been. I find this to be so strange because if you know me at all you know that remembering to eat is not an issue of mine. It has created a shift in how I eat, less crap and a whole lot more wholesome. Although in reality I've always been quite wholesome, but it's the sweet tooth that has been my Achilles heel, but now it's mostly gone.

Adam seems to be excited for the baby, he reminded me when I was in Canada that I had her to keep me company and it was strange for him to call her by her name to me. We haven't divulged her name to family yet, we want to keep it a secret, and I don't want anyone to get attached to a name and then have us change our minds. I'm also worried that someone close to me would pooh-pooh the name or suggest something else, and we love the name we've chosen, I don't want any negativity to linger in my mind about it. (and it would, I can really hold on to some things, and we did tell someone close, very early in pregnancy and they did pooh-pooh it, and I felt horrible)

So that's about it for the 31st week. We're on the hunt for a doula. When I was explaining what a doula was to my brother's fiancee, my mom suggested that she be it for me, and I shot her down fast. I think I was a little harsh, but I just don't think I would be able to relax enough with my mom or Adam's mom there. (sorry!) The thought of having non-professionals there except for Adam and I makes me a little nervous. I understand that some people need to have their whole family there, but I am not that person. I will be more than happy to have my family come around after I've established a secure breastfeeding relationship with the baby. I don't know how long that will take. Personally I would like to have 2 weeks alone with just Adam and I to bond with the baby and bond with each other as new parents. Right now Adam and I know each other so well as individuals, as husband and wife, but we don't know each other as mother and father. I am really looking forward to meeting my husband the father, and seeing my new little family all together bonding, just the three of us (and the pets). It seems romantic and deeply personal to me to have this time alone with my new family, to really learn who my daughter is and for her to learn who I am and who her father is.
That all being said I am sure I will get comments and emails telling me how great it was to have a million different people around them right after their baby was born. All I can say to that is, I'm glad you have the experience you did, and that you're happy with it. This is just a personal desire of mine, just like me wanting a home birth and a variety of other issues that we'll get to touch on later when it comes to raising this little girl.

A home birth

As of last weekend all of the baby's grandparents know that we are planning a home birth. Even though I know I am an adult and allowed to make my own decisions there are some* really conservative people in my life and I had a haunch that they wouldn't adapt to the idea well. So when I told my dad I braced myself for what was to come, and then nothing! He's pro-home birthing! Whaaaa? This was the same guy who told me that I probably wouldn't be able to handle the pain and probably would need a c-section because I'm short. Needless to say I'm happy that he's all for it.
When I told my mom, she said that she guessed that I would have ended up having a home birth, which I thought was funny because I didn't know, and yet another friend said the same thing. I guess I just give off that vibe. Interesting....
Adam's family has been a lot more hesitant on the whole home birth idea. To be fair no one has come out and said it's a bad idea, they just ask questions to make sure we've thought it through and know what could happen and that we have back-up. Initially I was really upset that they asked these things. After all I'm 30, I have a clue, and it's not like I'm planning to give birth in a bathroom stall in a mall or anything. Once my hormone induced pout passed I realized they just care, but they don't really know me that well. My family does, they know that I will think through my decisions and that I am going to make sure everything is in place, and they care too, they care enough to not question me and to trust that I'll do what's best for me. (They know that I am ruthlessly independent, and smart enough to make informed choices.)
Now I wonder what raising our child will be like. I know am going to be that liberal parent with strange ideas that my family and Adam's family isn't used to. I'm sure my head will explode, many times over, but I'm sure it will be from them loving my baby, and they'll learn. My family did, Adam's family will too- after all I'm just that stubborn.

*by some I mean all, including Adam, although I'm working on him, and he's coming over to the good side.

UGH

Today is an ugh kinda day. Adam and I had to get up at the horrible ungodly hour of 8am. Which I know will have some people rolling their eyes, I roll them too, when I read that. But I wake every hour to pee, and don't go back to sleep quickly, so 8am is hell! Oi. How did I ever hold down a normal job?
I have no clue.
So anyhow today was an early day because we were interviewing a slew of midwives. Up until today we'd interviewed one, and she was nice, eccentric and I would have been fine with her, but I really want someone I just click with. Today I found that clicky person, and so did Adam, but it's not the same person. However Adam's person is my second choice.
Adam and I do agree though, that we do not want a midwife who will wave incense around me and chant hippy stuff. I'd be liable to drown her in the birthing tub, then labour around her floating corpse. (that's a horrible image....) Okay I promise I won't drown my midwife, but we don't want any crystals being brought into the whole birth experience. I want someone like me, who's a lot of no nonsense and will tell me, straight up, what I need to know. (I'm not saying that I'm no nonsense.... I'm sure I have lots of nonsense....) So it's a hard choice. We'll see what happens.
There was lots of talk of doulas, and we're on the fence. Adam's convinced that he can do it without one, but I worry that it will be a lot of work for him to support me all by himself. Having family step in isn't an option at all for me since our family is in Canada and I wouldn't feel comfortable with any family flitting around me during my birth (or really for the first week after she's born). We might consider a student doula since we don't need an advocate in a hospital since we're not going to one, and if we do have to be transferred the midwife would step into the position as doula at the hospital. In any case it's another decision.
I do wish this was all cut and dry. It's unfortunate that pregnancy and birth is so medicalized now and that we don't have access to more natural births in our lives. What I'm trying to say is that if both Adam and I had seen several births in our lives this would be a cut and dry decision for us, we would have a lot more of an idea of what we want. However we're not privy to that in our culture and I'm going on my gut instincts that this is what I need and Adam has to rely on that too, even though his gut isn't quite there yet. (although he's making strides and is still the only person who's allowed to have doubts)
In any case we're going ahead with it. And in 12-17 weeks I should have a lovely birth story for you, ending with me birthing at home or being transferred to a hospital, but still happy that I tried it my way. I guess really all that matters is that I'm comfortable (with my birth choice), which is totally selfish, but I feel that my comfort level directly impacts my baby, and I truly believe that this is the best choice for her.
Golly I can't wait to show everyone pictures of her.
I bet she's going to be 6ish pounds and a cue ball! I can't wait to see what colour her eyes will be (when the pigment comes in) or if she will have my nail beds or Adam's.
We shall soon see.