Dear Trixie…
I thought I’d take a moment to touch base.
There is a lot of talk amongst parents about the terrible twos and the terrible threes and which is worse. I get a little sad when people talk about their children and how terrible they are being. I want to promise you, that I’ll never refer to you as terrible.
My darling you are spirited. You have a mind of your own, you are fiercely independent. You question authority, you question everything. You are quick to get frustrated, but you will try anything. You love with abandon, you are sensitive to others, you are kind, you are caring. You are generous, you are funny. You are not terrible, you are not a handful. You are a perfect toddler, learning about this confusing crazy world around you, and how it fits into your life.
You are spirited. You are learning patience, and it’s coming, we often have to talk about how things have to happen in sequence and how we need to wait our turn. Often when we go to Target as a family we’ll all share a Icee and we all take turns. I love how you monitor our turns, making sure we all get a turn, and that we never leave Hudson out of the rotation. You’re not concerned with how much you get, just that you have your turn. It’s really funny, and so adorable!
You’re really starting to develop your own sense of style, clutiviaing your identity. For example, you love to wear your “Dorothy” shoes. (the sparkly red ones from your Dorothy costume at Halloween) You want to wear them with every outfit in all weather. We often have to discuss why they’re not appropriate, and I’m learning to let my aethetics go, and let you have yours. But I’ll still insist you take them off when it’s pouring rain. In addition to haveing a mind of your own, you want to do it all yourself. It’s amusing to watch you put on your panties, with the waist as a leg hole and a leg hole at your waist. I’ve learned your cues that you give right before a melt down, so I can diffuse the situation. Right now we’re learning how to get you to laugh at silly things like putting your panties on “all crazy” as you’ll say. It’s important to be able to laugh at yourself, and you’re learning that.
I said you question authority. I don’t mean that you’re out at night tagging buildings, but you do ask why and what for. I’m learning to take the time and explain things to you, and to not give standard answers like, “just because” or “do as I say”. I remind myself that you’re not yet 3 and you need to process things a little diferently than me. It also makes me think about my own personal rules. I can be rather picky about some things, and you have shown me that it’s okay to wear red shoes with pink leggings and a pink dress, it’s okay to wear mismatched hair accessories, and it’s okay to go out into public with a sticker firmly affixed to your forhead. It’s also okay to leave freeze dried peas scattered across the floor and read a book instead, and it’s okay to taste the flour when making cookies, it’s okay to have fun! We still got the peas cleaned up, but we read a book first and then we had a great time playing with the dust buster!
I love how you will try anything, and how you have a perfectionist streak in you. We’re working on breaking down big tasks and learning the smaller parts, which helps make the big task so much easier. You wanted so badly to use the scissors I bought for you, but you were so upset that they just didn’t work for you. So we practiced, a lot. We learned how to put them on our fingers, then how to move them, how to hold the paper, and now you can cut paper with ease, there’s no more frustrations and you’ll happily make confetti out of anything for me. I’ve started to use this same philosophy. Rather than get so upset at a daunting task, I’ve learned to break it down into smaller more managable pieces. I get less stressed this way, and I can complete my task quicker too! (which gives me more time to play with you!)
I love how much you love your brother. You love everyone so easily, you don’t hold grudges and forgive quickly. These are all traits that everyone needs in life. You are an excellent share-er, and I love how you are adamant that you share. Tonight we were eating pudding after dinner and you were sharing yours with Daddy, and he was telling you that he had his own, and you demanded that he eat the spoonful you were offering. “Daddy, I’m sharing! It’s sharing!” I guess we need to have a chat about how sharing is important, but sometimes people don’t want what you’re offering. You are so careful that Hudson always gets his share. I often have to remind you that Hudson can’t have everything you do, but I know you sneak it in. We’re awfully lucky that we don’t have nut allergies in the family, because I’m pretty sure Hudson’s tasted peanut butter already.
I know that children don’t understand or have empathy until they are older, but I think you are well on your way to being an empathetic person. You’re learning how to deal with your emotions when it comes to Hudson. Having a little brother can be frustrating sometimes, and you have lashed out, and when the dust settled, you are crushed if he’s upset. Today you kicked Hudson, and as a result you were put in the corner so that we could assess Hudson and make sure he was okay, (there was quite a thunk from his head hitting the dresser), and while in the corner you sobbed, you were so upset that Hudson was crying. (Perhaps also upset that you were in the corner.) After Hudson was deemed okay, you were let out of the corner and you came over and crawled up to me on the bed and were so sad, you just wanted to hug Hudson and make sure he was okay. Then you showered him with kisses, all while you cried. Then we practiced what to say when you are frustrated and when it’s time to walk away. But your concern for Hudson was there, all morning. You were extra attentive to him, making sure he was okay. It was sweet.
Finally you are funny. You crack me up with your faces, your comedic timing and your singing. I love how you make up songs, just like I do. Often tuneless, often nonsensical, always funny. You and I have this thing we do where I’ll sing half of a line of a song and you’ll finish the last part, often in a silly falsetto. It’s so funny, and I need to get a recording of it, even though I will be embsarassed at my poor singing. You like to wear things that you know will get a laugh. Your favourtie right now is the Princess Leia wig for Chachi’s costume. It just fits the top of your head and you know it will elicit a laugh out of Daddy or I, so you put it on, nearly daily. I can’t point a camera at you without you making a “funny face!”, and I can often find you making faces at Hudson, just to make him laugh his sweet baby laugh, which you seem to get as much joy out of as me.
So, sweet girl, as you can see, you are not terrible. You are amazing. Sometimes it’s fustrating to help you navigate through life and the world. I just need to sit back and try to see things the way you do. It’s all new and amazing to you, sometimes scary, I need to remember that. I find that I am learning so much from you, and really challenging what I thought I knew about myself. I hope that I am becoming a better person just by having you grace my life. I guess this letter should be titled: “What I’ve learned from my Amazing Daughter, in her short 2.75 years.” You are amazing, I love you so much!
love, always and forever,
Mama.